I started with a little, and I just realized how good I was with them, and so I'm posting them up haha! Comment and give me more I'll gladly wrap them in subtlety for you!
(I'm putting the harsher statements as "Die" meaning you'll die if you use them ... and you'll "live" if you use mitigating speech. Think I'm overexaggerating? Yeah try telling a woman she's fat.)
Die: I'm not a relationship kind of girl.
Live: It's hard for me to find the right guy.
Die: I am interested in controversial topics.
Live: My topics of interest have always sparked lively debates.
Die: I love you.
Live: I really like you.
Die: I live with my parents.
Live: I just feel responsible as their child to take care of them until I'm ready to start my own family and go for walks around the park with my children. (K the park thing might be pushing it.)
Die: I think your boyfriend is cute and I want to shag him.
Live: Congrats on the boyfriend he's gorgeous!
Live: Congrats on the boyfriend he's gorgeous!
Die: I am an environmental-loving freak and I think you should recycle as much as I do.
Live: Recycle.
Die: I still watch Disney channel for their cartoons.
Live: Zac Efron makes me watch Disney.
Die: I don't want to engage in bondage acts with you.
Live: Let's do that tomorrow. (Break up with said person tomorrow and flee country.)
Die: I don't want to give you my number and I don't want to go out with you.
Live: You'll have to earn it.
Die: I am always at the top of my class, I do the best in all my subjects and I am a confident person.
Live: I excel academically.
Die: I really like spending time with you.
Live: I really like spending time with you.
Die: I don't have a job.
Live: I'm exploring options.
Die: This date is a disaster and I want to leave.
Live: I have to feed my cat.
Die: Your breath smells and I don't want to spend another second with you.
Live: I have to feed my cat.
Die: You have a wife?
Live: I have to feed my cat.
Die: Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.
Live: I'm very in touch with my emotions.
Die: Shit I'm busy on that day but you're really hot and I really wanna go out with you.
Live: I have a family dinner on that day.
Die: You're an ass.
Live: Men are all the same.
Die: You've put on weight!
.
.
.
.
.
Live: NOTHING.
Just don't say anything. No "Oh you're so much healthier now!" or "Oh you look so much better since the last I saw you." Don't say it. Girls can tell through everything and we'll know that something "different" always means in the weight department. In the first place who would be stupid enough to say that to a girl it's like they have a death wish or something.
Same with age. Because just like Samantha Jones, a lot of women have probably celebrated their 35th birthday for as long as they have lived. And do you really wanna cross a woman with such determination?
13 comments:
Die : You look ugly.
Live : You have a unique face that makes you look so different from others.
Die: I don't have a job.
Live: I'm exploring options.
I'm gonna use this more often now. For a year.
Thanks MZ.
Mei Xian, HAHA awesome. "She has a very different look. Unique face." Wow it actually sounds good.
Derrin, you're welcome! :D
I have another more private HAHA and it's quite funny + derived from real-life situation.
Die: This is just a one time thing and I don't intend to hook up with you anymore.
Live: Let's pretend this never happened.
Shit.. This post came too late.
Die: SADDAM HUSSEIN! DIE U MOTHAF*cka~ (launches nuke)
Live: Hey Saddam! Lets go shopping.
If not, we coulda be best buddies.
(regrets and emo)
Barack, omg I'm imagining this cool movie-like scene where Obama goes to Saddam Husseien, "I created you, I can just as well destroy you." Or something like that la! haha.
this is some funny shit! LOL!
"I have to feed my cat" is pretty useful.
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