Why I am basically undateable.

I was talking to a guy before and I basically listed out all the things I would do during a date/however long I am with the guy for (which is, on an average, 2 days I would say?) ... and I realized I am so bloody strange.

But if you've spend enough time with me, you basically would know me as the girl who:

1. Says the most random things in the middle of conversation, like "GODDAMNIT WHY DO PEOPLE THINK ROONEY LOOK LIKE SHREK". And that'd be in the middle of a conversation about where we're going to eat tomorrow.

2. Talks way too much about football. Refer to point above.

3. Researches Communist leaders on Google. And launches into an excited long talks about them to you.

4. Has Russian President, Dimitri Medvedev, as her MSN picture because she thinks he's sexy.

5. Has Vladimir Lenin as her Facebook profile picture once ... just because :(

6. Is an extremely overachieving Asian.

7. Is a fervent single life advocate ... which is just strange for a girl. I don't know. (I joined a group called "I'm not a player .. I'm single." - the members were all men.)

8. Is mean.

9. Has the stupidest response for everything.

9a. Asks the stupidest questions.

10. Recognizes her flaws and actually points them out. "Yeah I drove my friend around today. She said never to drive her again ..." - How unattractive is stupidity!!!

11. Is way too passionate about football. Again. When Man Utd did not win the league I felt like I could DIE. Seriously.

12. Talks way too much about herself, which, as you can see from all the points above, is not a good thing.

13. Attempts to speak foreign language or whatever the guy's native language is ... badly. (I sang a Russian guy his national anthem.)

14. Laughs way too much.

15. Has too many weird interests like Russian history, military tanks and men named Vladimir.

16. Constantly pumps herself up - as a joke. "Please I give better head than her." But nature of compliment often destroys joke purpose.

17. Is immature (ie embraces the inner kid in her with people she feels comfortable with, ie curling self into ball and calling self a cat)

18. Is unnecessarily and inappropriately funny. (Refer to point number one.)

19. Actually has goals in life and aims to achieve them over her boyfriend's happiness.

20. Has fucked up feelings because she only has them about once every year so when it does happen, they just happen so weirdly.

21. Has fucked up sleeping patterns, which probably works for all-night-sex but without that, it's really just me in the middle of the night, in your living room, trying to write something ... like now.

Okay I'm going to stop here.

I guess it's good that I like single life anyway, because I am completely undateable. I'm just too radical to be liked by anyone I would possibly like back. If there are about 2000000 men out there for each women, I probably only have ... 5. And I'm sure I've met three of them already.

So two more, God, bring it on.

PS - Hi me again. Sorry God I changed my mind. Don't "bring them on" as I enthuastically asked. I rather not go through the whole "Oh I have feelings?" phase anytime soon. If you bring them to me now, I will most likely shut myself away and the only two hope left for me in this world will slip through my fingers and be forever doomed to like mediocre girls. I think meeting them at 35 would be okay. One at 32, the other at 35. If the first one doesn't work out at least I have a period of recuperation before diving headlong into another one.

I also hope one of their names is BRAD PITT but that's up to you, really.