It's time to go.

Two weeks.

Two days.

Eve of my departure.

Day of my departure.

Five hours away from my departure.

Nothing.

I remember sitting down and trying to blog at those aforementioned times, but my attempts always marred by my inefficient packing and productive drinking. My last two weeks consisted of me packing my make-up in an orderly manner into a little chest which would protect my babies from the rough trusts of baggage handlers (grr) only to end up dumping them all into my Manchester United pouch at the last minute because of this thing called WE WILL CHARGE YOU FOR OVERWEIGHT LUGGAGES BECAUSE WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. Not the point.

Point is, I am now sitting at the Narita airport, waiting for my flight to New York, and I still feel the exact same as I did two weeks ago. A big fat load of nothing, like ... the luggage of those people in Business Class flights who get an extra 20kg or so.

I am really emotional about this luggage thing okay.

Not the point.

Point is, I thought it would hit me once my bags were all packed and my room was semi-empty. But nothing. I thought it would hit me once I left my house. Nothing. (I even squinted at the last image of my house as I left, trying to picture it like they do in movies, maybe even with a sad background music ... fail.)

Which led me to wonder if people actually do feel anything when they leave home. Wouldn't it make more sense to feel sad to leave something you've only had for a while, as opposed to something you've had your whole life?

Case in point: me and Asian food. Really, I don't miss it (yet?). In fact during the last week or so my body totally shut off its craving for Asian food, sort of like a defense. Stranger still, I got increasingly aggravated with it as my take-off day edged closer, and one dinner I threw a hissy fit that you can only throw at family because they tolerate your shit, just because they chose Asian food over this place I wanted to go.

After dinner I went to Pastamania and packed some really horrible Carbonara fettuccine ... but ate it with joy, just because.

And you wanna know what I really miss in KL? This guy I met last Friday. Because I never got to spend as much time as I wanted to with him and he's perfect and gorgeous and has the most toned arms I have ever remembered seeing (and that is not the only department he surpasses a lot of guys in ... I must say) hence I am sad that I didn't have more time to spend with him hence I miss him.

Wouldn't that be more logical? Missing something because you only had a short time with it, and because your memory of it was more recent, and because he speaks in the cutest South African lingo?

I feel like I didn't have enough options in life to miss what I should be missing. Why should I miss Asian food? I have been eating Asian food my whole life - actually, forced to eat it my whole life. When I have cravings, they're usually for nachos, or pasta, or foie gras if I want to come off as pretentious ... because Chilli's or TGI Fridays or ANY decent food joint was never a ten minute drive away from my house. It's a thirty-minute drive. That I never seem to have the means to get to.

Would you miss tyranny once you know you can be free from it?

Maybe, just like when Debra left, it's not something I can prepare for, and I'll only be able to face the reality of my own departure until reality actually happens, but at this rate I'm going the first few weeks of America is going to feel like an extended vacation. And once that wears off, I might have already settled in and called it home. I don't see any opportunity at all for reality to swoop in over me, catch me unawares and kick me brutally until I fall to the ground, homesick.

And I've been so eager to look at my Malaysian phone contacts and not give a shit if it auto-deletes itself again (which it does from time to time ... how fitting). In a week or so I might dispose of my Malaysian number, never to use it again.

And ... Klang. Oh God how I'm ready to leave you physically (I've left you a long time ago, after I was done with Form 5, and once again for good when I broke it off with my longtime boyfriend). It says a lot when the most exciting thing that has happened to this town is the bus of navy boys.

Maybe I'm just not a sentimental person in general. Or maybe I'm a prime example of someone who is just ready to leave.

I really am.

I may not be prepared for reality yet, but I'm just so ready to leave.