SH Day 10

I need a freaking project.

It can be:

a) Getting a dog - not possible. Dorms don't allow pets, except for like fishes. That's not gonna help.

b) Run a marathon - but with a packed schedule I can't do that. It's not fun having a section of the campus newspaper due in five hours AND feeling tired from the gym.

c) Those stupid modeling competitions you have so often in Malaysia - well, obviously. Not gonna be in Malaysia. Or else I might actually think of joining those stupid modeling competitions as my "project". How hard is it to look pretty? On second thought maybe that look of disgust you are giving me now is right. I've taken professional photos, they suck, and I don't ever wanna do it again. Let's scratch this.

c) Fuck I don't know man. Plant a tree?! No. Too boring. Scratch.


c) Baby.

c) Travel! Yes, but only during Spring Break. Maybe during the weekends. Sorry Debate team but I really don't need to be going to five tournaments next semester. A two-day trip to New York City for shopping and culture will be nice.

These are just tiny "projects" - for lack of a better word - that I want to undertake because I need to clear my mind. Not a full-scale let's-save-the-children-in-Africa thing, which would be for later.

d) Okay I'm out of ideas. It is also 6.42am in the morning, and I'm doing this to get my mind off things. If you have suggestions, no matter how exotic, maybe like train snakes to snake dance ... or something.

To be frank, self-healing is not going well at all. I may be home, and I'm a lot better than I would be if I was in Rochester, but this still happens. It's all fine and dandy when I get to walk down the street in a dress, smiling at the sun (and have it smile back), doing twirls and shit on the sidewalk, looking pretty - God I love wearing dresses, why is it that the one thing I really needed from America is the one thing it can't give me. If I had said I wanted Asian food I could still have gotten it - but once I'm home and all alone, dressed back down to my old t-shirt and shorts in bed, it creeps up on me. Was my heart just not really in this enough to make it work? Maybe 10 days is too early to judge.

At any rate, I am enjoying the moment for what it is now. Just because I won't have sun for the next three months doesn't mean I'm going to stay at home and mope, instead of going out and soaking it all in. Heck, when I saw that it was still bright out at 4, I opened the curtains and did a Hallelujah.

Oh Malaysia, how I'm gonna miss your never-ending summer. I've grown up here, and you've turned me into a never-ending summer too. Now I'm gonna have to brace the winter, but until then...

Here comes the sun,
Here comes the sun,
And I say,
It's alright.