Universe versus rules.

I had a revelation today.

I've always had a very "open door" policy with my mind. I don't mind saying stuff on Facebook, my blog and Twitter, or to my friends, or to random strangers, because I believe that everything I say or do should be able to be repeated. I am okay with saying things, it's just a matter of whether you're ready to hear them or not.

Because I believe that there is ... a balance, if you would call it, in the universe. Like fate. Somehow the universe has it all planned out already. By keeping things a secret, I ruin the balance. I ruin what is meant to be. How things are supposed to be. Everyone should be allowed to know what everyone is saying or doing.

Let me show you an example. If I like this guy and I tell my friend, I will also tell her not to tell anyone because I don't want to ruin any possible future chances with him, because maybe he has a girlfriend and maybe he is the smartest guy I've ever seen with so much charisma and maybe just maybe he was shortlisted for a Harvard interview. Maybe. But anyway. You know generally when you like someone, you never want them to know.

But, why? Why shouldn't you let someone you like know you're interested in them?

Maybe my guy, one day in the future, breaks up with his girlfriend and is desperate, lonely and horny, will think back on that creepy girl who once liked him, and will give me a call. Then BAM! The bus of fate turns around and hits you, favoring you somehow. (Okay it's nicer than it sounds.)

Observing my history with men I realize my forwardness has helped me a lot more than if I had been shy and beaten around the bush with what I want, or, you know "play hard to get". Silly mind games and silly rules society makes for us. All my guys knew my true intentions from the start, and they didn't mind. In fact, it was what made things happen between us.

My point is, be honest. It'll help you, somehow. If the universe has planned for you two to be together, it will happen if you let it happen. Be honest, put it out there, and it'll happen eventually. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week. Maybe when you guys meet in college and the guy has more common sense now (read: college girls), he'll remember you as the girl who once had a thing for him, and something will happen.

Versus if you had kept it a secret, you'll just be the girl who walked past him at the coffee house. There's really no harm in letting someone know you want him. There is harm in letting someone know how you want him, where you want him and what you want to do when you get him ... but hey 10% of that is okay. Or 5%, if he's easily frightened.

Expanding on that topic ... why the fuck are there stupid rules in the first place?

I was watching Vicky Cristina Barcelona and I got so angry at this again! VCB is basically a movie about two girls who fall for this painter, and one girl, Cristina, moves in with him, and shares him with his deranged ex-wife. Cristina doesn't conform to conventional values and rules, and she just enjoys things the way they are (read: threesomes). The other girl, Vicky, is married and cheats on her incredibly mundane husband with the painter. What's that I hear? SOCIETY'S RULES.

If a girl were to share a man, she would be condemned in every way possible. But hey, if it's nothing serious, then why not? Why shouldn't we be able to just follow our natural desires and do what we want? I have been in a thing where my guy (whom I really liked too) had another girl as well, and she knew about me too. I had a good time with him. I was happy, I was smitten, albeit a little jealous sometimes, but it felt perfectly normal.

I am against cheating, but I think the only thing wrong with cheating is that one person led the other person to believe that he/she wouldn't cheat, and that if he/she did, it would be wrong. Where did this nonsense about only having one girl for one guy come from? SOCIETY.

Why shouldn't a person be able to have multiple partners in life? We need variety! Diversity! Difference! Sex is a beautiful thing (yes I just said that) and we should be able to explore it however we want to, alone, or with another, or with two others.

The problem with our society is we lack OPTIONS. Some fool somewhere led us all to believe that there is only black and white. Love can only be between one man and one woman! No lesbians/gays allowed! No polygamy! Being single means being an unloved loser!

I forgot who it was said this ... but he/she said people always associate singledom with isolation, not abundance. It's the best way I've heard anyone put it before. Good job Rory! (I just remembered)

I don't see why a girl shouldn't be able to go up to a guy and tell him how she feels ... and I don't see why the guy should be freaked out or anything by a girl who does that. Things will be so much better if we all just said how we feel, and we all know what people are doing. That way, maybe people will actually WATCH what they're doing. It's because they know they can hide behind this veil of secrecy, deception and lies that they do all kinds of shit.

So yes, there you go, my advise: just be honest. And the universe will plan the rest.

Looking for photographers that can make me look like this

Or like this.



Which means you will probably need a hell lot of photoshop.

Okay maybe not exactly like those, but pictures along those lines. The lighting scheme, the colors, the background, the silky long legs omg ... just the idea of those pictures above. Anyone interested contact me mayzhee@gmail.com.

I'm not joking about the photoshop thing.

Something new soon!

I know I haven't been blogging much ... I'll explain why soon. SOMETHING NEW IS COMING. BE EXCITED. There's still five days or so, maybe more, until something new comes ... and I'm excited! It'll be like an emancipation. Except better. TEEHEE. Wanna know what I'm talking about? Wait for it!! A few more days!

Maybe, just maybe.

For all the times you've looked back on your past and cringed.

Today I just felt like writing about the evolution of my social life (read: guys). As I look back on my life, I notice how much I've changed as a person ... and how much my social life is changing. Also, more importantly (this is a meant as a joke btw), how much the kind of guys I like are changing.

It's true that there are some things you will never realize when you're young. Like adults would always tell us, things will get better as you get older, and it does, but until then ...

So let's start at the beginning of time ... in Form 1. Being in school and stuff, I think I basically fell for everyone and anyone that I found good-looking. Which was ... everyone and anyone. It could have been the "coolest" guy in school, or the older ones because that's "cooler" or really just some plain guy that I found cute. I started with one of the "cooler" guy in school ... HAHA oh man I wanna laugh everytime I use that word. They were the rich badass kids, who don't have an aim in life or plans for college, who played around with girls and think they're the best-looking guys in the world ... and now when you look at them they're just BUMS because they're still living the same life, whereas the nice geeky guys are in college attracting girls who like nice geeky guys ... which is every girl deep inside, really.

But anyway, I liked a badass before, I liked the nice quiet guy, I liked the popular (but short) guy and entered into a four year relationship with an average guy, whom I thought was funny. They were also all Chinese, being in a local school of course. (Don't call me racist, but I really think race/nationality/culture is an issue to be addressed here.)

Sometimes I fell hard, sometimes it was only a two weeks thing. I know it's hard to believe (HAHA), but not all of them liked me back. I liked the popular (but short) guy for years ... and he never reciprocated. So it was just the teenage May Zhee, getting excited whenever he talked to me, whenever he walked by, how hot he looked in black, gushing to her friends about him while he barely gave me any attention ... and now I'm meeting guys x10 hotter than he is. Okay digression to show current life and window to the past, but back to my point. (PS - looking back now those guys weren't even anywhere near hot ... ok-looking and not ugly, maybe. But not the God-like status I bestow them of.)

So I fell for (and dated) guys who were older than me by three years, which meant all of them were pretty much friends, yeah. I forgot if I realized how bad it looked back then, but I definitely do now.

Then of course, came Wee Lim, the guy whom I fell for ... and when I ask myself why today, I can only say it's probably because he was a guy that, well, liked me. There were other "admirers" of mine that I never dated ... but I guess Wee Lim was fresh, different, older, slightly popular ... and he was the president of the biggest club in our school. I continued liking him just because he reciprocated. I liked him because he would call me. I liked him because he came to my class to see me. A lot of girls fall into this trap where they date any guy who likes them ... and I guess that was me then.

But anyway, so my social life came to a standstill then ... and after two years or so I was already craving for what the single life could offer me. I'd watch hot guys and the most I could do was go omg he's so hot shit I have a boyfriend.

I also got to know more people outside my usual circle, guys from other countries, guys with professions, I started to question myself about my feelings, what I looked for in a guy ... and even then I already got the idea that there was no such thing as love. Yes, while I was attached. I believed in liking guys for their money and fame ... because I thought material was at least more real than love, something you can actually hold and touch and like. I'd rather be with a guy who will buy me pretty things, because at least I got something out of it, rather than someone who "loves me" because I knew that didn't exist.

So for a while that was my stand on love. After I broke up with Wee Lim, and I started leading the single life to its fullest, that perception changed. I started going out more, mingling more, I met a lot more guys, new guys, hot guys, white guys, mixed guys, a different breed of Asian guys ... just very different guys than I would have four years ago. And yes, quite frankly, they were all hot. These guys were WANTED by girls, and that made them arrogant, confident and downright players. They were badasses, but they weren't the ones in high school. They were badasses with an architecture degree, a national athlete or studying in the best universities in the world.

(Btw you do know whenever I say meet ... I mean ... something else right. I just wanted to make it sound decent ... for now.)

So then I was falling for these guys. Guys I had distant mutual friends with, guys I met in clubs/parties/anywhere, French guys, American guys, the mixed guy that all girls secretly gush about in their Facebook walls, the fully Asian guy that looks mixed, the company CEO, the guy who was in the military once, the footballer ... guys whom I wanted just because everyone wanted them.

They were suave, smooth, they knew what they were doing, they picked up girls in a second, and for some reason they all had good bodies (because all of them played at least one sport, if not ten) and they knew when their time was up. (Some odd ones didn't, but my cold treatment fixed that.)

And I didn't mind all the other downsides that came with it, because if it was just a fling, it didn't matter. I didn't take into account personality at all, for one, because the way I see it, I'm not going to marry him so why not? I was his fling, he was mine ... it was a win-win situation. As long as he didn't have bad hygiene and/or was socially awkward, or like ... wore his shoes on his head or something.

So that shifted my perception a bit. I ditched the "money and fame" concept ... still keeping a bit of it ... but I then maintained the view that if a guy is hot, I would have no problems liking him.

Alas, that was as true as that giant woman in the black shoe. (Sorry random attempt to rhyme)

After weaving in and out of the hot guys in my life, I realize that except for physical attraction, there was really nothing else. I thought it would be that physical attraction that would keep me, but it only lasted for two weeks at most.

I realize that ever since Ed, and this one guy after him (sort of, slightly), I have never really truly fallen for anyone. And that was pretty ... sad. We're talking about a whole year ago.

So I considered something that has always been at the bottom of my checklist: personality. (Like love, I didn't believe this existed. Much less in hot guys who have the "right" to be assholes.) But then again, not each and every one of the hot guy had a horrible personality. Some were really interesting and nice guys, but I just didn't like them.

So what was it about one guy that sets him apart from the other? What makes us like this guy, and not the other? If it's not money, power, fame, looks or personality, what is it? I guess I liked Ed then because he was funny, he made me laugh, we got along well, he treated me right ... and in his case, his unique personality played a part. But who is to say there are no Eds out there? Who is to say I've never run into an Ed or a potential Ed, but still did not fall for him?

What is it about the one guy you like that separates him from all the rest? That makes your heart want him (omg I can't believe I'm saying this)?

And you know what? I fucking miss that feeling. Of having someone to smile at when you see his texts, feeling excited when he's talking to you ... these are such elementary feelings for a crush but believe it or not, I don't have that anymore. And it's really sad. The fact that I don't have feelings now.

People always tell me it's because I'm looking in the wrong places, that I am the one seeking out these players and one-timers, and that guys can sense girls who want these things so they behave accordingly. I know I sound like I'm complaining about not having feelings and stuff, but this is actually the life I want. And these guys all want what I want, so we have mutual needs.

If I could summarize it in an equation, this would be it:

Single life > feelings

But that doesn't mean I don't miss having feelings. It's like what Putin said about Soviet Union. "Those who don't miss it don't have a heart, those who want it back don't have a brain." That sums it up PERFECTLY.

I know I'll probably find "Mr Right" or "The One" someday, but at the same time I don't want to right now. It'll be the right guy, but the wrong time. If I meet the right guy now, I'm going to have to give him up. It really scares me ... hence I go on looking in the circle of hot assholes.

Of course I admit I want to be knocked head over heels by someone ... and not just for two days. Of course I want to have feelings for a guy for more than a week ... of course I sometimes wish I walked into a club with one guy and left with the same guy, but my preference for the single life overpowers this.

So right now, I'm just at this point in my life where I'm trying to figure out, how is it that there can be a guy with good looks, best personality, money and fame ... and I still wouldn't have feelings for him? Why do I feel something for this random Portuguese guy whom I chatted with for hours on Chat Roulette? (Btw I have a theory that I am destined to have my heart broken by Portuguese guys. It has already happened twice. Three, if you count Ronaldo for not asking me to be his girlfriend.)

Is it just random that you would fall for one guy, and not the other? Or is it really personality? Or do you guys just have to have a connection? How do you establish that connection anyway?

I don't know. And it sucks to think about it sometimes because I don't even know what I want to begin with. We always want what we can't get (story for another day) ... and as a woman, I naturally like to complicate things by overthinking them, hence you get this blog post.

"The thing about love, is I never saw it coming"

Marie Digby, Say it Again

Best t-shirt ever.

Oh because I heard you weren't allowed to take photos in that store, I would just like to say that this t-shirt is, er, not from Forever 21.

Ten songs I can listen to forever

In the event that someone straps me to a chair, and not for reasons you can put in a romantic comedy movie (unless your idea of a romantic comedy movie is CLOCKWORK ORANGE) and forces me to listen to music forever, these are the ten songs that will make the cut.

1. Yellow - Coldplay

2. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer (FINE I CHANGED ALL THE TITLES TO PERFECTION ARE YOU HAPPY NOW BROOKE CHETCUTI AND CARL LUKAS?) (fuck so I tried it the second time and it was still wrong)

3. Set the Fire To The Third Bar - Snow Patrol ft random girl

4. Gravity - John Mayer

5. Love You Till The End - The Pogues

6. Somewhere only we know - Keane

7. Drops of Jupiter - Train

8. Superman - Five for Fighting

9. Every Me Every You - Placebo

10. You Belong with Me - Taylor Swift JUST KIDDING. Heart of Glass - Blondie

Edit: Okay Brooke pointed out one so it's 11. White Houses - Vanessa Carlton.

They can come on ANYTIME on shuffle and I'll listen it through to the end. So I probably can take listening to them forever... (Okay the last three were made up in the last minute because I realized I only had 7 so if you ever want to strap me to a chair please choose from songs 1-7.)

Sorry I was just in the mood to make lists! Here's another one:

My favorite people in the world are (those I can think of right now):

1. Vladimir Lenin

2. Vladimir Nabokov

3. Vladimir Putin (I know)

4. Ronald Reagan

5. Barack Obama

6. Lady Gaga

:)

More shameless promoting of Zouk

First, a video of Lif Bomba!!!

They sang Monday, Hold Me Tight, Just What I Needed and I Gotta Feeling (Munro did this!!)! And they were AWESOME!

That guy on the saxophone/keyboards (he played both) is Mr Sostak. He is TOO COOL to be a Math teacher haha!

K fine I decided to post the video showing the saxophone/singing.

The videos are named wrongly btw. My teachers are so musical! How awesome would it be to have Math teachers like that? PRETTY DARN AWESOME. I didn't say History teachers because pfft if you're a History teacher you're cool already. (SMITH!)

***

Anyway, back to some shameless promoting of Zouk because it's the most awesome place in the world. Disneyland comes close ...

And it can only get more awesome with MAGIC!



Yes you know who I'm talking about. It's Zlwin!! :D






It was Phuture's anniversary too! White party! Yeah ok I'm wearing purple I didn't get the memo ok.

It was all fun until Zlwin started bending PRIVATE PROPERTY.

ZOUK'S ICE TONGS.


We're going to get kicked out and banned for life. The next time you go to Zouk, you're going to see Zlwin's photo by the door with the big sign over it that says BANNED.

The guy next to me is Tim Chew btw! He works for FHM and he put me in March's issue of FHM hahahah it's not what you think btw.

With Leonard, Hannah Tan's team manager! We wanted to do a dancing shot ... must say it turned out very well.

Honestly, what's not to like about Zouk? I believing in partying for the company and when you party at Zouk, you're surrounded by the nicest, funnest and most gorgeous people in town!

I sound like I'm promoting TOURISM MALAYSIA. Haha.

Supper afterwards at Zlwin and Leonard's "best beef noodle place" in Changkat. I was too tired to taste anything.

K that's really all for this post! Until the next one... bye!!

Why my teachers are most definitely cooler than yours

They have a band. And it's called Lif Bomba.