It's 3.31am and I'm wiping away tears that come so naturally to me now. I cry, because I'm not who I am anymore. I thought it was a crisis, but what happens when the crisis permeates your everyday life and thoughts. When you become conscious of how you act with people, how you think about people, and what everything means to you. The person this blog used to know was dying slowly, and -
I don't even know how to write this. It's too hard. For weeks my fingers have hovered over the keyboard. I don't know how to express just how big yet insignificant this is. I'm tired. Too tired. I sigh a lot. I don't want to do anything with my life. I am dead on the inside. It happened a long time ago.
The problem with such emptiness is, how does anyone go on.
I don't even know how to write this. It's too hard. For weeks my fingers have hovered over the keyboard. I don't know how to express just how big yet insignificant this is. I'm tired. Too tired. I sigh a lot. I don't want to do anything with my life. I am dead on the inside. It happened a long time ago.
The problem with such emptiness is, how does anyone go on.
21 comments:
Every 7-9 years, we experienced death on the inside. Painful for the unknowing.
Oh! *hugs* :(
You will go on.
I was planning to write a lot more, on how this is all part of your journey, on how this moments will define you, but I did so before. Know that there are people out there who will continue to genuinely care for you.
And of course you will know that who you are now and who you were before is not the same. It is supposed to be this way.
I am sorry that you are hurting. Some people may not necessarily understand what you are going through. But for you it probably is the deep kind of pain, yes? Yours is the mind of a writer. The heart of an artist.
This is just one moment in your life, albeit big yet insignificant. There will be many more of this moments that will continue to define who you will be.
But then the question remains, in those moments, how does anyone go on?
You will.
You, the person who survived your first relationship of four years, although it probably did change how you see the world quit a bit. Nonetheless it was big and quite significant. How does anyone move on from that?
You did.
You, the first known teenage girl to publish her novel in Malaysia. You were told you could not. Should not. It was probably so far fetch back then. And yet without the help and backing from your parents, you did it. Against all odds,
You did.
You, with threat of a lawsuit, in the face of expulsion, unless you removed that blog post, stood your ground and refused to budge. You defended your integrity at all cost. Do you remember those moments? Did you get through?
You did.
You will go on.
-MN
Jom mamak!
Mine usually at 1.58 - 2am just like Swiftty. I wet my dried eye but you wash your face. I see how people act stupidly and I'm not smarter than them. This blog writer is growing mature and the blog follows.
I don't bother to write and for weeks I keep pressing F5 on the keyboard and tired of waiting what is "sucker" than me. At least I'm not dead on the outside as I'm replying this. It happened a long time ago.
The problem is, it is still going on.
Be yourself. Do that:)
I feel you.
How do you go on?
You live. Just live. People love you, and there will always be people there who love you and there are still people out there who haven't had a chance to love you... yet. So just live, hon. Live.
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You need Jesus darling.
Ask Him to come into your heart today. :) Give Him all your burdens, He'd give you peace. :)
Bless you!
Dear May Zhee, please visit www.spiritlessons.com - actual stories of people who visited heaven and hell. Be blessed!
Have you conquered the tears by now?
Its called growing up, embrace it.It will come back some day. You need to be strong, be yourself, be who you are.
The Mayzhee you know is probably still there and there may just a little more dimension added to it. Its just that this part of you its new so it tends to pop up a little bit more and you do not know how to control it yet.
But once you do, you will become stronger.
The answer's there all along inside you. You don't need Jesus or whatever to tell you that. You just need you. Be you.
Hope it helps
Your readers are always listening. :)
Hope you can be strong.. not for us but for yourself.
As your reader Brendan were saying - you don't need Jesus... Dude! that is a shot-self-in-the-foot cliche.
Good to try out Jesus for size ;) It's free ;)
are you alright? it's been so long. hope things are getting better for you.
For someone who has been following your blog for almost or more than 5 years and only comment on your blog once in a blue moon, you finally have my hand stretched out to type this right now.
So well, May Zhee, the little tough girl that I've been following all these years says that she's exhausted and you really do huh? It's more than a month since you last blogged a post! But hey, you're a tough tough girl u know? Never ever underestimate what you can do and what you can achieve in your life. You're one great girl who never back down when facing troubles. You have prove them in the past and here you go right now, facing another obstacle. But trust me, it's just a matter of time before you stand back up on your own.
Not much advices for you cause I have faith and know you well enough that you will smile back once again and come back with a 'killer' post that will inspire people on how you made it through!=)
Take care May Zhee! My prayers will be with you.=)
You are a strong girl. But even the strongest will need God. Just get down on yr knees and pray, cast all your cares and burden to Him. Feel His love and peace. He helps, He really does.. May God bless u.
Only God can fill your emptiness. Trust me MayZhee!You've pondered how does anyone go on? Because of Christ.
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