I am always having to have this conversation with people.
People: But America is awesome!
Me: ...How?
People: I mean, New York is great!
Yeah no. New York is great. LA is great. San Francisco is great. [Insert the few major cities they have] is great. But that's 0.01% of America. What about the rest of America? Or.
People: But America is awesome!
Me: ...How?
People: Oh you live in Rochester, you wouldn't know.
Again false. Rochester is what's normal of America. Rochester is the equivalent of every other non-major city (EONMC) in America. I have spoken to my friends and relatives who go to school or work or live in EONMC in America, and it's exactly like Rochester. Michigan State in East Lansing. University of Virginia in Charlottesville. Yale in New Haven. Family in Hartford. Washington DC. Binghamton. Amherst. Western Conneticut. Maryland. Trust me, due to debate, I've traveled to more places in the region than anyone else, and newsflash: THEY ARE ALL LIVING IN ROCHESTER. Or I'm living where they are. Same thing, because America is a copy-and-paste country. You live in one area, you can live in all.
That could be good news, or that could be bad news. For me it's bad news. Because I require where I am living for the next FOUR YEARS to have its own identity, culture, flavor. I don't know what is America's identity, or culture, or flavor. If your only answer to me is baseball. Yeah I dunno.
So here goes my tips for students from any country, really, who will be living in EONMC America for the first time ever. Unless your country sounds like what I've described above. Then you probably live in America, and should really learn up the name of your country, as I'm sure that's the one thing your shitty school system has taught you.
Begin.
(Also if you're living in the South or the Mid-West I recommend you go kill yourself to save yourself the horror.)
1. They don't use the metric system. Celcius, meter, kilogram, liter, everything that you know that was good and easy in your life: gone. Everything you've learned in all your school years. Gone. 100 degrees boiling point, 0 degrees melting point? Gone. Buying a liter of juice at the grocery store? Gone. In place is Fahrenheit (which is like wtf), feet (sigh), pound (prepare to become much heavier, as if the Americans need it. Maybe that's why they have obesity problems), ounce or whatever the fuck it is they use for liter - I didn't even bother. You could learn their ways or stick obstinately to what people use worldwide. The glorious metric system. Or you could master both and be better than them in one more way. I chose this.
I'll try to keep it short from now.
2. If you're from most of Asia, or the UK, or Australia, or Japan (which are where all the awesome countries are) or anywhere else
in the blue range, then be prepared. They drive on the different side of the road. That means you are always, forever, going to try and get on the same side as the driver. Embarrassing, but if your driver finds your international ways endearing then it's pretty cute.
3. Different movie tastes. There are going to be some things that they go, "Omg you haven't seen this yet?!? You have to see this!" False. You don't have to see it. Not everyone knows or have heard of that show, and you won't ever need to.
4. Walmart/department shopping. You can get everything there. Be prepared to pretty much never ever visit individual stores again. Because there are almost none. They are just big chain stores or department stores where you can get everything. Prepare for department shopping. If you didn't like shopping at Parkson, or Tangs, or Isetan, then you're fucked. Okay there's Forever 21 and H&M, exceptionally awesome ones. That's about it. Buy all your clothes there.
5. Very, very low malls. They have one floor or two floors at most. It's weird, and honestly very unappealing. The way it's designed is a lot like the Tesco and Giant hypermarkets that we have. U-ge-leh. Their malls will all also look the same, whether you're in Rochester or Washington DC. You'll feel the same. Probably that's why they never leave their country. They like it that way.
6. Okay good thing for once. Amazon, Ebay, online shopping. Love it, use it, master it. It will be your best friend.
7. Count on things to be reasonably priced, at least not overpriced as some are in Asia, and actually work/quality is good. Because they aren't ridiculously marked up. Things like electronics and personal care items. Oh and vibrators. Basically things that are used by the masses. I come back and I frequently find myself going, "Bah, this is so much cheaper in America." However, some things may surprise you. Some electronics may be cheaper to buy here, but you can always hunt for bargains online.
8. For people who live in tropical countries and are going over to the East Coast/Norther regions, IT'S GOING TO BE MOTHERFUCKING COLD. BRING AS MANY LONG-SLEEVED CLOTHES AND PANTS AS YOU CAN FROM HOME. But buy your winter coats and jackets there, because refer to 7.
9. Oh, exchange and return. Guess what? YOU CAN DO THAT IN AMERICA. They make it so easy for you too. If you buy stuff online, they even have a postage stamp ready for you to send things back. God bless them for that. You get to save/not waste a lot of money in America, make full use of it.
10. People there will not know where you're from, so always bring a map with you, or memorize how to tell people where your country is located. Start with like, where England or Antartica is. For the smarter ones you can start with China. You will have to repeat it a zillion times, so you'll be pretty good at it by your like tenth American contact. Also do the Americans a favor, especially if your country is not as well-known on the international stage, and go, "YESSSS MALAYSIA IS ON THE LIST" everytime you see your country appear anywhere in the vision range of the Americans, because most of the time it just slips right past them. It'll help, really.
11. They will think they are the best country on earth. Let them believe that.
12. Ditto with things like freedom and hegemony. It's okay. We are laughing at them on the outside.
13. They will say the stupidest things about Obama, that you wonder why the fuck it even matters when he's doing so much good for their country. Try not to punch them. Unlike them, you have a visa to not lose. They don't even have a passport.
14. You can use your credit card for a lot of things. If at big chains like Taco Bell, you can use it to pay for 1 dollar purchases. Smaller stores require a 5 dollar minimum or so. But if you're at a big store you can count on using your credit card.
15. I don't know what else. A lot of things to watch on the television, if you're into that sort of thing. They will also try to make a reality TV show out of everything, like mobs' wives, or some shit like that.
16. Oh, you go bowling as entertainment. -_-
17. I've heard this from many, and I can testify. You generally just get shitty haircuts overseas. Which is weird because it's not like the people in America have bad hair or anything. Maybe a problem of perception. So cut your hair before you leave home, or anticipate to cut it when you go home. If you're a guy I don't know.
I suppose that's all I can think of for now. If anymore, I shall update the list.
