Friday, February 03, 2012

This is a very long post written at 4 in the morning and the author took a shit midway. Enjoy.

[Insert reasons as to why I haven't been blogging for months, and why I'm choosing to blog again.]

Now for the part you'll actually read. I've decided to start blogging again because I am an angry person. Really, I am. You can't tell because I'm Asian and small and furry (isn't that how I look to you?) but I have a lot of rage. Why? Because I have a problem against dumb people and their dumbness. Which seems to be prevalent in this part of the world. US of the fucking A. I was this close to renaming my blog but I decided to spend my time picking a photo for the sidebar instead. I thought of choosing a photo from my handpicked pool of Facebook profile pictures (you know, that category of photos that hide every possible unflattering angle, feature, body part, personality of yours to convince the men and women of the world that they should fuck you every way and everywhere possible) but they involve me sharing a skirt with another woman or hugging a dog that looks possessed or having one of my many attractive friends sharing the spotlight with me (which is the same problem for the dog, really) or I look so small because I was trying to shoot the background really, which means none of you will get a big fat close-up of my beautiful face so that was a no-brainer.

So yeah, that was my picture-choosing dilemma that took up twenty minutes of my life that I will never get back. But at least I spent it looking at photos of myself.

I'm writing this while I'm on the toilet by the way. Thought you should know. I feel really excited to blog again, or it might just be the joy of the elimination process from my body. Freud says there's no difference. I've always said me blogging was like taking a shit on the readers of the internet, and when I can't think of what to blog I liken it to mental constipation. Fitting.

Okay I'm off the toilet now.

Right. So I suppose the one or two of you still reading, or got here from searching for NUDE WOMEN EATING CUCUMBERS OFF EACH OTHER (hi!) want to know what's the update on my life so far. What has changed since October? How is your relationship going? Do you still have front teeth that are really large and you're still trying to hide them in photos?

Well. I'm still the same old person, I guess. I still like and hate the same things. Are you going to see the same person on this blog though? No? I don't know? Find out? I am going to guess that I will come off a lot more honest, mean, spiteful and angry. And sarcastic. Always a good one to throw in there. I think a lot of people in real life are sick of hearing the same old shit from me, about how I want to stab everyone in the face, so I'm just going to say it here. In my blog. Where people deliberately come to read my angry shit. I want to stab everyone in the face.

My relationship. This is the one thing that has changed a lot. I look at my old posts, and I want to laugh. Ha. Haha. Ha. Of course I still have those doubtful moments, but they come far and few, and my satisfaction with where I am in the relationship now far outweighs that. Truth is, I have a great boyfriend, and a great person. I think a lot of people get either one, but never both, because they always try to look for one over the other. My boyfriend, well, let's call him D. He's an incredibly smart individual, very well-read and knowledgeable, has a great perspective on things, and he's someone I can respect. There are so few people I can do that with. He's real special to me, whether it's his dogmatic ways or crazy, hare-brained ideas about how the world works. There are still times when I still wonder why I'm not fucking someone in the bathroom during a party, but those have dwindled to a negligible level. Everyone wonders why they're not single from time to time. More importantly, now, I think about how D has occupied this locus in my life development, and how I'm glad he's there. I am finally able to place him in the big picture.

No my teeth are not huge they are proportional to my face fuck you.

But yes, that's my life thus far. This blog is sort of under revamp, there are some things I want to change, like the sidebar photo and the About Me page. It's not that I'm not fine with a photo of me sharing a skirt with another woman on the front page, but I know that will immediately be perceived as infantile and slutty, also fine by me, but because people's notions of who you are as a person are sadly static, I would rather not be pigeonholed as infantile and slutty. More importantly, attention will be diverted from me to the other woman. Which is not cool.

I long for the day when I'm able to do whatever the fuck I want in public and in photos without being at risk of losing out in the job race or losing my job or losing my friends (though I don't really care about this part) or losing society's respect (ditto).

If you think this is the end of the post, you're wrong. Because... I still have something to rant about. This topic is really the driving force behind me starting up my blog again. It is the bane of my existence, it is a mental eyesore to me everyday that I am in college, and it is probably one of the reasons I will go Freddy Krueger on humanity, because it made me realize the sad state of society today.

That topic is ... the Greek life of North American colleges. Oh. My. Fucking. God. Jesus. Buddha. Muhammad. Mahatma Gandhi. Vishnu.

Seriously, someone tell me, why do they exist?!?!? I get it's an ancient Greek tradition bla bla, but you know what else are Greek traditions? Slavery, killing babies because they are unhealthy or deformed or women ... yeah.

For disclaimer's sake, I will say here that while my rant will not include specific references to fraternities, I do not think fraternities are any less heinous or exempt from criticisms. The shittiness of sororities reflects on the Greek system which reflects on the fraternities. Because I've only had experience dealing with sororities in this school and it is tangentially relevant to me since I'm a woman, I will proceed to talk about sororities.

My problem with sororities is that they are underhanded. They are sly. They are like Republicans that weed out the poor people in society under the guise of "giving you, the middle class, your share of what you've worked so hard for". I say that because more and more, I see these smart, strong and independent women whom I actually respect and admire "rushing" to be part of these organizations. Women that should not be in sororities. Women who are attractive enough to get men without attending stupid contrived social events. Women who will graduate from college with such a great CV that they don't need the "connections" afforded to them by this great network of sororities (which is dubious at best). Women who don't need to be paying one thousand dollars a semester just to have friends, or "sisters" as they call each other. I want to fucking choke a rabbit everytime I hear that term. Sisters. Fucking fuck fuck...

For the life of me I cannot understand how a self-respecting individual can be around the women in sororities. I have trouble being around normal college students who say really dumb shit in class and make flawed reasoning and arguments with every possible material that is handed to them. Let's for a moment forget about the stereotypes of sorority women that get drunk and lose their keys and announce them loudly to the world the morning after, and let frat boys fuck them up the ass. Forget about the stereotypes of sorority women who are catty and judgmental and rejects everything that is not them, and loudly announces it in that annoying high-pitched voice. Forget about the sorority women who are ALWAYS TALKING SO LOUDLY IN THE LIBRARY ABOUT HOW THEY LOVE THIS ONE SISTER BUT SHE CAN BE SUCH A WHINY BITCH SOMETIMES.

Forget all that.

But if you do want to contest these stereotypes of sorority women, try me. Please, try and tell me that just because your one sorority advocates leadership, loyalty and community service minus the binge-drinking, that excuses all the other coke-snorting sororities out there. Yeah, thought so.

Let's talk about this whole secrecy and image preserving deal of sororities. My first experience with Greek life in this school was, expectedly, not a good one. I was on a reporting job for the campus newspaper, and I was trying to interview the sororities on campus about this new sorority fuckface joining our Greek life. All I wanted was a statement from a friend of mine (one of the aforementioned smart, independent and self-respecting women), who belonged in a sorority, regarding her thoughts on this new sorority. She could have replied something stupid but appropriate like, "It's a great thing that we are seeing an increase in the Greek life organizations yaddi yaddi ya..." back to me right away, but instead she asked me what was it exactly that I was looking for, and was it for her opinion as a member of her [insert stupid sorority names with Greek fuckface letters]? It was very clear in my e-mail that I was seeking her opinion on (and I directly quote) "what you think about Greek fuckface opening here and if you would join a sorority with little pre-established presence on campus".

Her opinion, meaning, her as a person. Not her as a member of Greek fuckface, but her, as an individual in her own right and mind to be giving me a comment on my fucking news article without having to ask her fucking president or sisters about it. Why did she even have to ask if I wanted her opinion as a member of Greek FF? Because her identity as a member of Greek FF is separate from her identity as herself? Or does she have no identity of her own, but instead is consumed by her Greek fuckface identity?

The reply I got back from her after was a one-liner that was so obviously scripted and polished that it did not even try to answer my question. It might as well have been something like, "Let's go hug all the cats and dogs in the world, and open ourselves to happiness and joy! [insert shrill sorority group laughter with white teeth and all]" The statement had been filtered either literally by someone in the organization who had read it and said okay you can send that now, someone who apparently had control over her thoughts and opinions, or by her own fear of being the sister that brought shame to the organization.

It is this paranoid preservation of image, this keeping with conduct and behavior, arbitrarily decided by the Greek community, accompanied by this irrational need for secrecy that define a Greek organization. And it is what I am railing against. This belief that everyone should proudly wear t-shirts with the same Greek symbols, fall in line with a specific set of rules that do NOTHING for the people who follow it (outside of the US, where there is no Greek life system, the women are doing just fine) except maintain the squeaky clean image of the sorority and promote this false sense of community where the women are empowered because they have each other. This tightknit community reinforces the conventions of society, where people have to act normal or be kicked out of the group, and elevates these codes of conduct into an elitist category, convincing the sorority members that they are a higher class than the rest of the people on campus, because they have acted the way they are told.

I want to cry blood everytime I think about it. If I'm a sorority member, and I had written this blog post, I would have been dead to them. The system allows for no criticisms from within, does not respond to external criticisms, is not self-correcting, is not self-reflexive, is intolerant of difference and deviations. It is the status quo, in its worst form, reinforced generations after generations as a point of pride. Can you see the Greek system changing in fifty years? It hasn't and it won't.

Try asking a fraternity/sorority about their affairs. You would think you were asking the FBI about their terrorist and pedophile catcher operations. They take themselves way too fucking seriously, and all for what? What do they represent? Just because you go out and help school boys with no limbs doesn't mean shit. If fraternities and sororities just said outright what they represented, which is partying and drinking and throwing up in the nearest trash can their lives away, with none of their pretension or elitist bullshit, I would have been their biggest supporters. I am all up for hedonism and nihilism, but not when they're masked as vehicles of empowerment and leadership of college students, and promoted as such.

People involved in the office of fraternity and sorority affairs have blatantly lied to ensure embarrassing facts and figures don't get out there, warned students (whom they probably perceive as being in a class below them, hence we have to yield to their demands) to not publish a story that would reflect negatively on their organization and installed filters at every possible level of communication that they can get hold of to ensure not a single negative data falls through the cracks.These are the values that sorority women pick up, in addition to "leadership, empowerment, sense of community".

The same really applies to fraternities. I just had some friends relate a story to me, about how "Bid Night" was going on tonight, and there were the "pledges" in the "house", and how no one was supposed to go into the house, but one of the "brothers" messed up and brought my friends into the house when Bid Night was still going on. My friends pointed out two problems with them being there, in addition to not being allowed of course: first that they were badly dressed, second that they were girls. This constant fucking need to identify what is it about people that make them undesirable at any point of time. I mean, I suppose Greek life organizations really train their members so they can run their very own eugenics factory in the future...

And so this brother that messed up is in real big trouble, and he's real fucking scared. Because, you know, things like Bid Night and pledges are real things in real life that will get you into real trouble. How could anyone have told that story without realizing how fucking ridiculous that sounds? Try explaining that to a non-American person, and it sounds fucking ridiculous. I swear, it's like reliving high school into your 20s. Creating your own language and your own paradigm of what is the "worst thing ever" to happen to someone. What happens when you get kicked out of your frat? Nothing. What happens when a father of five is fired from his job? Something. Fraternities and sororities are the ultimate privileged bullshit that only ultimate privileged people can believe in.

Seems to me like Greek life organizations subsist on the fear of their members, and if you're part of such an organization, then I feel sorry for you. Yes, this is me sticking out my (phantom, castrated) penis at you, fraternities and sororities, and you would do good to suck it all up. Suck it real good...


jaylen watkins said...

Was that really needed to tell.

Job description template

d00d said...

O mai farkin goat! This is an avalanche of your stinkin' diarrhea. Everybody duck!

Anonymous said...

Richard Wright went through a similar experience when trying to become a communist in his time, only to be harshly rejected for trying to deviate from the norm. I guess the only difference here, though, is that while the communists really wanted to change society radically, greek communities desperately hope that things say the same for as long as possible - so that they can keep boozing and coking it up.

Great post!

Anonymous said...

well said, mayzhee, well said. i'd always thought you could be too much of a pessimist at times, but this, is just an exact replica of my thoughts. Frats & sororities.. superficial, pretentious and of no value.

Anonymous said...

also, I like the way you put things. about how america really isn't the best damn country in this whole wide world. and how the people of the country should wake up to that sobering fact.

Anonymous said...

My comment was too long fml -__- Now I have to post it in fb. Ugh... That ruins the fun part of the comment.

May fanbase said...

Wow, welcome back, May.

Been missing your posts and your gruntings, it's good to know you're still around, immersing in life's experiences and having a great boyfriend to boot too.


Nina said...

and you're back! ;)

d00d said...

fuck webb! wth with the 2 spot!

Abi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Abi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Caely said...

This is written really well! I knew that most frats and sororities' members were superficial elitists but I didn't know that they were like that to such an extent. Anyway, glad you're writing here again. :)

Vivi Ann said...

Mental constipation. LOL

Rachel said...

As a college student in North America, your post reflects my sentiments exactly. Quite ironic reading this from you though, seeing as you thought the US was the shit before you went there.