I was told today that I act like a bitch. And I definitely do. I rant and I complain a lot. I usually go on and on in my excited, high-pitched, female voice. There is something people don't like about a woman who complains. We give it attributes like "bitching", "nagging", "PMS-ing". When a man does it though, he's arrogant, an asshole and - sometimes - an intellectual. See the difference between the two categories? The latter can be associated with appeal. Not saying everyone loves an arrogant asshole who happens to be an intellectual, but really, have you heard any magazine go "10 reasons why you secretly love women who snap at you everytime it's that time of the month"? No, those articles are usually about trying to get the bitching, nagging, PMS woman to shut the hell up. Ever seen articles about how to shut a complaining man up? No? Because they don't complain? Because it's biologically female to complain? Because writers are too busy writing about 10 ways to please your men and they usually involve giving him a blowjob and making him a sandwich?
A complaining woman is just unattractive. She's tiresome. Picture nagging mother and wife. Everything-is-wrong-with-the-world-once-in-a-month girlfriend. The raving lunatic of a feminist. Boo, who cares about their views, right? Not like your mom has a strong emotional tie to you or whatever, having carried you 9 months in her, and is deeply worried she is going to lose you. Not like your girlfriend has fluctuating hormones and can't help herself. Not like the feminist has anything good to say. Because you've heard one of your friends say once that this radical feminist is crazy (she jumps to hasty generalizations and wants to kill all men), that means all feminists are bad, right?
Because we can't vocalize our concerns in a deep, low-pitched male voice - we're bitches. Because we never had our fathers drill it into us that complaining makes you a wimp, a sissy, and so on - we're bitches. Because we've never been told that self-expression and emotional liberty is feminine, thus bad - we're bitches. Because we don't release our anger in the form of jaw-breaking and gunshots, but instead with bitter words - we're bitches. Because some of us can't name-drop every philosopher in the world, every science concept in the book, every idea in the world, because some of us couldn't afford that education - we're bitches. Because you don't hear a lot of women complain about "real, concrete" issues that you care about, like politics and poverty, because some of us only want to talk about relationships, make-up and clothes (and because these topics OBVIOUSLY don't matter as they're womanly topics) - we're bitches. Because a lot of the entertainment that exists in this world is targeted at males with no room for women's enjoyment unless they swim against societal waves to be interested in them (sports, Magic the Gathering, science fiction, disc golfing are some of the things my bf does for fun, and there are rarely women who indulge in these things) and so when we meet up and talk we can only talk about what we have in common, and that is the hatred of all these things - we're bitches.
So yes. I am a bitch. In all its gloriness. And I am friends with my other bitches. When me and my girlfriends meet up, a lot of we do is - surprise! - complain. I agree a lot of it is probably stupid nonsense. But a lot of it is real issues. Even things like, why is it that my very attractive, smart and funny friend can't seem to find the right man? What does this say about her? What does this say about the men she is hanging out with? What does this say about the idea of "the right man"? I'm sorry that relationships are all that women can talk about sometimes because we can't just be ourselves the way you can just be the arrogant, intellectual asshole who snaps your fingers and gets girls of all types at your feet.
I bet no one called people like Nietzsche, Marx and Freud a bitch. Nope. They were geniuses. To the liberal, socialist, left-wing men... who still think we are bitches.
A complaining woman is just unattractive. She's tiresome. Picture nagging mother and wife. Everything-is-wrong-with-the-world-once-in-a-month girlfriend. The raving lunatic of a feminist. Boo, who cares about their views, right? Not like your mom has a strong emotional tie to you or whatever, having carried you 9 months in her, and is deeply worried she is going to lose you. Not like your girlfriend has fluctuating hormones and can't help herself. Not like the feminist has anything good to say. Because you've heard one of your friends say once that this radical feminist is crazy (she jumps to hasty generalizations and wants to kill all men), that means all feminists are bad, right?
Because we can't vocalize our concerns in a deep, low-pitched male voice - we're bitches. Because we never had our fathers drill it into us that complaining makes you a wimp, a sissy, and so on - we're bitches. Because we've never been told that self-expression and emotional liberty is feminine, thus bad - we're bitches. Because we don't release our anger in the form of jaw-breaking and gunshots, but instead with bitter words - we're bitches. Because some of us can't name-drop every philosopher in the world, every science concept in the book, every idea in the world, because some of us couldn't afford that education - we're bitches. Because you don't hear a lot of women complain about "real, concrete" issues that you care about, like politics and poverty, because some of us only want to talk about relationships, make-up and clothes (and because these topics OBVIOUSLY don't matter as they're womanly topics) - we're bitches. Because a lot of the entertainment that exists in this world is targeted at males with no room for women's enjoyment unless they swim against societal waves to be interested in them (sports, Magic the Gathering, science fiction, disc golfing are some of the things my bf does for fun, and there are rarely women who indulge in these things) and so when we meet up and talk we can only talk about what we have in common, and that is the hatred of all these things - we're bitches.
So yes. I am a bitch. In all its gloriness. And I am friends with my other bitches. When me and my girlfriends meet up, a lot of we do is - surprise! - complain. I agree a lot of it is probably stupid nonsense. But a lot of it is real issues. Even things like, why is it that my very attractive, smart and funny friend can't seem to find the right man? What does this say about her? What does this say about the men she is hanging out with? What does this say about the idea of "the right man"? I'm sorry that relationships are all that women can talk about sometimes because we can't just be ourselves the way you can just be the arrogant, intellectual asshole who snaps your fingers and gets girls of all types at your feet.
I bet no one called people like Nietzsche, Marx and Freud a bitch. Nope. They were geniuses. To the liberal, socialist, left-wing men... who still think we are bitches.
4 comments:
sandwich? come on you gotta cook better than that. :P
love your work and /i totally agree
Love this post :)
Dropping names of theorists covered in American public high schools doesn't give you any intellectual authority. You come off as obtuse, poorly educated, and mostly uncultured.
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