Is a question I ask myself way too often. Unhealthily often. I have gorged myself on as many episodes of Sex and the City for a night that I can. I feel eternally bored. Why is this happening to me. I got a job. I have a life. I have friends (somewhat). What is wrong with me.
Is another question I ask myself way too often.
I have nightmares. Or rather, bad dreams. I can wake up in the morning and put my head down for a second, and I will sink into this dream where he is talking to other girls, in ways that do not please me. I wake up and I am all angry, because I just had infuriating dreams, even when he's next to me, and I say to him, "I had nightmares." And then for a moment I become that crazy girlfriend who has dreams about him talking to other women. And then we fall back asleep.
Why is this happening to me? It's not like him leaving me for other girls is something I think about constantly. Is this my unconscious finding a way to punish me somehow? For being sane? For repressing jealousy that'll only manifest itself in angry cat-like scratches on the faces of women? Freud, explain.
I don't wanna sleep. I just wanna be awake fucking forever. And laugh down at people who need the sleep. Laugh so cruelly at them for having no control over their dreams, for wetting their beds when they were young, for being a weakling. I hate sleeping. I hate everything about it. I hate that it happens during night time. I hate the night time. I hate that we have to remove whatever's pretty about us and go into tattered and torn clothes. I hate goddamn beds that I don't use for anything else except sleep. (And sex, but let's be honest that can happen anywhere.) I hate that we have to sleep. It's so goddamn boring.
I hate that most of the time, sleeping is a solitary activity. I can do everything on my own, but I really do hate sleeping alone. Privacy is overrated. It came with modernity, you know. The Russians don't even have a word for privacy, because there didn't used to be such a thing. Why don't we all just communal sleep? It's the only way to pressure me into sleeping.
I'd rather put my head in an oven right now. This must be some sort of condition. Fear of sleeping? Holy crap it exists. Well, hatred of sleeping is more like it. It's not a fear, it's just an intense feeling of disgust and reprehension for it.
I have issues.
Is another question I ask myself way too often.
I have nightmares. Or rather, bad dreams. I can wake up in the morning and put my head down for a second, and I will sink into this dream where he is talking to other girls, in ways that do not please me. I wake up and I am all angry, because I just had infuriating dreams, even when he's next to me, and I say to him, "I had nightmares." And then for a moment I become that crazy girlfriend who has dreams about him talking to other women. And then we fall back asleep.
Why is this happening to me? It's not like him leaving me for other girls is something I think about constantly. Is this my unconscious finding a way to punish me somehow? For being sane? For repressing jealousy that'll only manifest itself in angry cat-like scratches on the faces of women? Freud, explain.
I don't wanna sleep. I just wanna be awake fucking forever. And laugh down at people who need the sleep. Laugh so cruelly at them for having no control over their dreams, for wetting their beds when they were young, for being a weakling. I hate sleeping. I hate everything about it. I hate that it happens during night time. I hate the night time. I hate that we have to remove whatever's pretty about us and go into tattered and torn clothes. I hate goddamn beds that I don't use for anything else except sleep. (And sex, but let's be honest that can happen anywhere.) I hate that we have to sleep. It's so goddamn boring.
I hate that most of the time, sleeping is a solitary activity. I can do everything on my own, but I really do hate sleeping alone. Privacy is overrated. It came with modernity, you know. The Russians don't even have a word for privacy, because there didn't used to be such a thing. Why don't we all just communal sleep? It's the only way to pressure me into sleeping.
I'd rather put my head in an oven right now. This must be some sort of condition. Fear of sleeping? Holy crap it exists. Well, hatred of sleeping is more like it. It's not a fear, it's just an intense feeling of disgust and reprehension for it.
I have issues.
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