Shit that men say.

If there's one thing I wish guys would stop saying, it's: You don't need make-up. Or something to that effect, implying that we don't have to put on swanky dresses, wear killer heels and just depend on natural beauty to feel great about ourselves, because we're that great. The bf says that to me sometimes, ("You look cute without make-up!") and while I appreciate every syllable of that statement's intent, I have a hard time divorcing the veracity of that statement from these other statements that he has made:

"Hot chick!" (Referring to random girl on the road.)
"I love watching the Spanish channel and Spanish soap operas because Hispanic women are so hot."
"She's hot." (Referring to random woman on the internet.)

I have no problems with these remarks, whether from men or my bf. I play as much part in objectifying men as the next Samantha Jones-esque woman will. I understand that being in a relationship does not mean you have to shut yourself off from looking and interacting with attractive people. My bf is also the least sexist man you will ever meet. He knows the history of feminism more than I do, and is loved and lauded by the faculty of the Women's Studies department in my school. He stands up for women's rights more than I do. So no, he's not an asshole. He's just a man.

What I do want to point out about these remarks is that a) they're extremely superficial b) they're based off a first and brief impression of these women c) these women are frequently airbrushed to perfection and don't really exist in real life. I am glad the bf knows at least that, but it has never stopped him or anyone from still taking pleasure in them. (Read: porn.)

And honestly, these are the kind of women that we are expected to be. Even since birth, there is some expectation that we're going to put ribbons and flowers in our hair, so we'd look cute and pleasing to people. Boys just have to worry about behaving well, right? The 170 billion dollar cosmetic industry - who controls it? Men. Who are making these movies and writing these books where the men always have an awesome career, make the most money, drive the action of the plot, get the girls and don't even put that much effort into looking good, while the women are always fretting about their image, depend almost completely on their image for upward mobility, are completely passive and even if they have a work life they ultimately give in to their man? Men.

Who decided how we should dress, look and act? You, men. You. You have been deciding our fate for centuries now. You controlled what we saw, what we read, what we could say...and this is the result of a line that can be traced way back in time. Sure, we like buying dresses and putting on mascara. We like looking good and it may be a "choice" for most of us. But it was a choice that was shoved down our little girls' throats as we grew up, and we learned to like it because we're supposed to. Just like how you like making money because you're supposed to. So that's one thing. Understand that we like looking good not because we're girls, but because we were raised as girls. That our options have been severely limited, from the minute our mothers had to choose between a pink onesie and a military-camouflage-pattern onesie for our tiny bodies. That everyday, our gender is faced with so much bad press: men choosing to attack our looks first over our intellect or opinions (or even if they do, it's always related to our looks. "She is dumb because she's pretty"), mainstream media choosing to idolize women who are "beautiful" and "glamorous" over women who actually have banging professional careers, neighbors and family members who tell little girls that their hair is cute and their dress is lovely, rather than ask them what they've read recently or how was their fishing trip. Because you don't take girls fishing, right? We have to constantly be on our defense, not just who we are, but how we look. Because God forbid, if we stop paying attention for one second, the world will get at us.

So yes, when you, men, are never going to stop checking out women on the streets and internet, you cannot expect women to fall for shit this:



Okay, boy in outer space, I'm sure the women in the porn you masturbate to didn't need make-up, and I'm sure the measly amount of money they're earning is not going to clothes or maintaining their appearance because their industry demands it.

And no. No we're not all fucking beautiful. There are some of us who don't look quite that great, or look mediocre, or sometimes just really butt ugly. Then there are some of us who really, truly, do look fucking beautiful. And in a world where "dog-eat-dog" for us means who looks better, than we're going to want to try and look better. And so that means clothes and make-up.

And it goes beyond looks! It's our personality, our attitudes, our life choices. Our gender has been taught to please. (I'll let you guess who we're pleasing.) We go through life with mirrors everywhere, claiming to show us who we are, but none of us see ourselves reflected back at us. Men have these mirrors too, but they reflect something much different, with different destructive effects.

It'd be great if we can just say, no, that should not be the case. Women shouldn't have to keep succumbing to these social pressures, we should all stop wearing make-up and pandering to people. It's easy. Easy to the point that it ignores the realities of what women have gone through, and what they have to keep going through. For some women, ignoring make-up and clothes might cost them their livelihoods. They might not be able to find partners. (Say what you will, but everyone who has a stable relationship now probably met their boyfriend/husband while they had make-up on.) They won't feel as confident and they won't fit in. It's sad a lot of these for women depend on our looks, but was there another way if we wanted to feel feminine and accepted?

Telling us shit like the above is just like a hunter telling a bear that has fallen into trap that he set, that it shouldn't matter that it hurts, that we can somehow free ourselves, just because he told us we can.

It's like us women going to you, telling you you don't have to like sports to feel manly about yourself, even though if you're a man, the people and things around you are practically screaming SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS.

It's unnatural. It's impossible. It's in your system. It's a way of life. You can't get out of it, healthy or not. Necessary or not. The next time you tell a woman she doesn't need make-up, ask yourself if you really need something important in your life, and you'll probably find the answer.